Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
