Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
