Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
