Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
