Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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