if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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