clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
