Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
