So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
