Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
