im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize