my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
