Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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