Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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