I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
