Having a random hookup so left but love u
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
