Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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