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So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
