I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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