Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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