So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
