i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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