but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
