How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
