Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can't special order awesome
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
