and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
