Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
