Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're breaking my sexual little heart
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
