I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize