and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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