Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
