So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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