some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
only you would photoshop your dick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
