Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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