I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
