Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
