If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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