so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
