Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
