I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
