I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
