some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would ride that face into the sunset
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
