I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have fence marks all over my body
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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