I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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