3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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