just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
