girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
