I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Small penises have feelings too.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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