please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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