Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
