Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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