sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
