I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is Oprah even human
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
