when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
