also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize