His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
