what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
