She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
