The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
