I want you more than these girls want KFC
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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