Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
