I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
