I feel great
I just peed on a car
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
