why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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