i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
