No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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