I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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