Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
