omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
