I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
