Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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