so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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